i wish peter jackson would direct porn
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
