Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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