so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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