So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
