i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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