Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
