did you get engaged???
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize