YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
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I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Found the puke drawer
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize