I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
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