i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
