I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
