ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
