If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
