Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
