I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
