Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
