Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
