I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I didn't notice because vodka
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
