I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
