i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
