Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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