you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
