Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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