so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
