i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
