My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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