Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize