how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
