Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
