Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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