people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
