That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize