I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
