i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
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i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
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She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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