he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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