a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
