Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
