you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
