everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
