my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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