Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Randomize
