just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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