Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
