so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
