I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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