dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
should my penis look like a turkey
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
