how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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