White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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