You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
