would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
