I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
