listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
