margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
