I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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