Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
