So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
