he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I booty called her while she was in labor.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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