I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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